I Knew I Was Old…

“Sarah lived one hundred twenty-seven years” (Genesis 23:1 NRS).

(Image courtesy of easterngiftshop.com)

My biblical namesake lived to a very old age.  While I am not as old as she was, I find that I am old, even at the age of 30.  I knew I was getting old several years ago when I turned on Nick at Night to find “Full House” showing.  That used to be the hottest show on TV Friday nights when I was growing up.  You couldn’t even think of going out until after you watched it.  Now it’s the modern equivalent of “My Three Sons” and “Green Acres” from when I was a kid. 

Now I’m married and have been for six years.  I have a child turning two in a few months.  I’ve graduated from college and graduate school.  Those do not necessarily mean I’m old, but I knew I was when I considered how much my current state of being has changed how I feel about life.  I know it’s not all about me and what I think.  I do not think life is all about being happy.  There are bigger things and my priorities have shifted.  I have great responsibilities to my spouse, my child, and my ministry, all of which are bestowed to me by God.  My whole meta-view of the world have realigned.  I’m a Christian first before I’m an American or a woman.  I live my life knowing that I will have to stand before God, and not according to my own wants and desires.  I understand why God gives us so many rules; we have to choose God or ourselves.  Will I serve my God or myself?  When I was young, I wanted it all.  Now I want what’s just according to Christ.

There are those my age, even older, running around living their lives in drastically different ways.  I couldn’t tell you the last time I was drunk.  I can tell you that if I’m never drunk again, it will be too soon.  I’ve never done drugs and never regretted it a day in my life.  My life does not revolve around sex; there are bigger things in this world.  I’m not defined by social categories like heterosexual, married, or mother.  My world exists beyond those words and their connotations, political implications, and socially defined meanings.  My world is now Jesus Christ and the things which he has entrusted into my care.  My husband, my son, my church are all gifts, held in trust by me until they are returned to God.  Self-expression and self-gratification are not worth tarnishing my relationship with Christ.  The immediate cannot override the eternal.  My mouth is no longer filled with politics, but theology and scripture.  I’m not a Democrat or a Republican or Independent.  I’m a Methodist Christian.  I go to bed each night thankful for what I have, apologetic for my sins, and grateful for God’s Grace.  I am getting old, and you know what?  I kinda like it.


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